IT'S DRAFT DAY BITCHES!

EXPANSION TIMELINE

 
Over the last 48 hours the HHSFFL Headquarters has been a whirlwind of activity.  One team removed itself from the league, another took its place, only to have its invitation withdrawn hours later.  The HHSFFL thankfully was able to extend an invitation to another worthy franchise.  Below, is a timeline of the events of the last 48 hours as this whole saga played out.

Monday @ 2:17 PM:  Rumors made their way to the HHSFFL Headquarters that one of its members was considering leaving the league. 

Monday @ 4:48 PM:  The HHSFFL Commissioner was officially informed that Team Ghosh would be unable to attend the draft, and therefore, was looking to withdraw from the league if agreeable terms could be reached. 

Monday @ 5:38 PM:  Greco awoke from his second nap of the day.

Monday @ 6:21 PM:  After conversing with the HHSFFL Treasurer, an official invitation was extended to the first name on the membership waiting list.  However, due to the short notice, it was uncertain of the potential owner would be available to attend draft night.

Tuesday @ 10:38 AM:  The invitation was officially rejected on the grounds that the potential owner had already entered another league. 

Tuesday @10:46 AM:  King contacted LaDanian Tomlinson, Clinton Portis, and Brian Westbrook to gauge their interests in coming out of retirement.  Feelers were also sent out to Barry Sanders and Walter Payton.

Tuesday @ 11:42 AM:  The HHSFFL Commissioner made a personal visit to two members of the HHS Guidance Office in hopes of securing a bid for the open spot.  Using flawless salesmanship, the Commissioner was able to obtain a verbal commitment on the spot. 

Tuesday @ 12:58 PM:  Golden went to Homegoods for the third time in 24 hours.  He bought scented candles and lace doilies before informing the cashier (who did not ask) that his shirt "gets results".  

Tuesday @ 1:52 PM:  An official invitation to join the HHSFFL was sent electronically to the two newest, and first female owners in the leagues history.  

Tuesday @ 4:03 PM:  Franchock issued his daily reminder his wife and kids that the Forgotten Gods are the only two-time HHSFFL champion.

Wednesday @ 9:53 AM:  The result of the mandatory background check came back and, under the code of conduct guidelines, the league was forced to rescind the invitation. 

Wednesday @ 10:26 AM:  Meetings among the top ranking HHSFFL officials took place, where they debated their possible courses of action. 

Wednesday at 10:41 AM:  Flanagan farted.

Wednesday @1:48 PM:  After extensive discussion it was decided that the HHSFFL would invite Papa Greco into to join. 

Wednesday @ 10:09 PM:  Papa Greco officially accepted the league's invitation and all paperwork was finalized. 

BREAKING NEWS

 
In a last minute change Dee & Kiely will not be joining the league.  Details have not yet been disclosed, but league sources are confirming that the decision has something to do with a red flag discovered during a routine background check on the team owners.  These background checks are reportedly common practice and must take place before any new owner is accepted into the league.  Thankfully for most current owners, they are already grandfathered in and are not subject to these guidelines.  No word yet on what was discovered that killed this deal. 

A TRADITION LIKE NO OTHER

Following the lead of Augusta National, the HHSFFL has formally invited its first two female members into the league and received verbal commitments from both invitees.  While a few loose ends remain the paperwork still needs to be finalized, the HHSFFL is considering this a done deal.  The HHSFFL Commissioner just gave an early morning press conference to a packed house (seen above).

This move has been supported by most and is thought to be long overdue.  However, there are always a few staunch, "old school" individuals who are resistant to change.  Check out the gritty, behind the scenes footage below of four league owners voicing their frustrations to the HHSFFL Commissioner.

These dissenting opinions seem to be in the vast minority, however.  In an internet poll over the last 36 hours, 18% of fans think this is a giant leap forward, while only 6% are opposed to this move.  76% of voters said they simply just "don't give a shit." 

Most HHSFFL fans in the guidance region have been strong supporters of the long-establish, though often irrelevant Sport of Kings.  In terms of fan support and financial backing, this development could not have come at a worse time.  After boasting a winning record and making the playoffs for the first time, Sport of Kings were looking forward to a year of high attendance and record breaking merchandise sales.  However, with an expansion franchise in the same region its not yet clear as to whether or not there is enough of a fan base to support both teams.  I suppose the only advice I could give to either franchise comes in the words of the late, great Al Davis..."Just win, Baby!"

A LEAGUE AHEAD OF ITS TIME

No one will ever say that the HHSFFL is an elitist boys club again.  In an effort to promote equality and show support for women in sports in all capacities, the HHSFFL is proud to announce its two newest and first female owners, Dee and Kiely.  No word yet on why the HHSFFL was forced to replace Team Ghosh, but details will hopefull be forthcoming in the next few days. 

Expect this guidance rivalry with Sport of Kings to escalate rapidly.  While no owners could yet be reached for comment, a press conference with the HHSFFL Commissioner is scheduled for Wednesday morning. 

DRAFT LOTTERY REMINDER

You do not want to be seasoned with head butts and pan fried in disrespect.  Get your league dues in by Thursday in order to enter the draft lottery!

HHSFFL FAN SUPPORT AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH

With draft night less than a week away, HHSFFL fans of all shapes, sizes, and ages are out in full force showing support for their favorite teams.  Here are a few that were spotted out an about this weekend.

This Morlock Nation fan is proud to show more than his team spirit.

Let's all thank these fans of the Forgotten Gods for painting their muscle suits and not their flabby chests.

Not all HHSFFL fans are pretty...or sane.  I'm pretty sure this guy is a level 3 sex offender.  

Speaking of pretty...This Bayside High Tigers fan has me convinced I need to move to southern California.

Speaking of Tattoos, rumor has it that the entire Cobra Kai front office got this image emblazoned on their bodies this offseason.  

The Washington Sentinels held open try outs for their cheerleaders last week.  Some were more talented than others.

In Hawkeye Nation, pants are optional...and I have mixed feelings on the matter.

 Jenn Sterger was spotted at the Kane is Able training camp earlier this month.  No word yet on if she was a "special guest" or simply there as a fan.

 These fans of Vandelay Industries stopped off to visit some of the franchise's storied history.

EXCITEMENT IS BUILDING

Welcome back sports fans.  We are officially less than one month from the 2012 HHSFFL Season.  Team representatives, media members, and fans will be descending upon the league headquarters in Milford on August 30th for the HHSFFL Draft and the excitement is palpable.  With training camps officially underway and preseason games about to start, each day just seems to be drenched in drama. 

For the first time in recent memory, there does not seem to be a clear cut number one pick.  With Adrian Peterson coming off major surgery and Chris Johnson coming off a hugely disappointing season, the notion of a "clear cut number one" seems to be something of a distant memory.  Arian Foster, Ray Rice, and LeSean McCoy would likely be the favorites, but don't count out some rogue choices like MJD or Megatron, either.  Sport of Kings has a history of drafting quarterbacks high and would likely take Rodgers for a second straight year. Sources from the Cobra Kai Dojo have gone on the record on multiple occasions with their desire to obtain Cam Newton early in the draft.  The only certainty seems to be that some owners will spend the season boasting about how clever they were to avoid a running back in the first round because they (and every other fantasy football analyst) realized that the game is moving away from the days of the featured back to more of a backfield by committee style.  Others will be spending time looking for someone to blame or creating some asinine excuse as to why they felt taking Stephen Jackson in the first round was a good idea. 

You may expect the fans of Morlock Nation may be a bit more subdued this year, having their thirst for a championship quenched, while supporters of the Forgotten Gods will be as ravenous as ever after missing the playoffs last year.  Teams like the Washington Sentinels, who have yet to make the playoffs, may have to resort to publicity stunts like bringing Shane Falco back just to put fans in the seats.  The Bayside High Tigers, who, since losing the title game...on a fluke 75 yard touchdown...in the fucking snow...in a 59-0 game...back in the league's inaugural year, have yet to finish better than 7th.  They've tried numerous coaches, mascot changes, and relocation to drive up attendance, but there is just no substitute for winning.  Expectations are high at Bayside, as seen by the jubilant, slow-motion dancing of some Bayside High supporters in the video below. Seriously, just watch the video.  You wont be disappointed.  But without a winning product on the field, fan support and attendance will certainly dwindle. 

Tigers fans rejoice at the Malibu Sands Beach Club in a spontaneous choreographed dance routine upon hearing the news that the Tigers will return to Bayside this season.

For a look at some opinions from fans around the league, here are some comments taken from team websites this off season.

GraebersAGod316says "We had six starters last year who finished in the top ten at their position and we come in 5th as a team.  WTF?!  No way that happens this year!" - Taken from www.meanmachineteam.com

Discount2-Check says "Flanagan has finally figured this fantasy football shit out.  This is our year.  SPORTOFKINGS Bitch!  Now, just don't take JaMarcus Russell until at least the fourth round."
 - Taken from www.i<3aaronrodgers.com

ScreechPowers1995 says "A big welcome back to the Tigers.  Great to have you back at Bayside this year.  Now quit fucking around and do some research.  We don't want you finishing last behind a guy that didn't even set his line up for a couple of games." - Taken from www.bayside.k12.ca.us

FalcoForever says "King knows that LaDanian Tomlinson retired, right?  And so did Brett Favre.  Will somebody tell him, please?" - Taken from www.thesentinel.com

Sweeptheleg69 says "Top 5 things most likely to come out of Golden's mouth during the draft...
5.)  Sensei Kreese and Terry Silva don't show mercy.
4.)  I can't make it to the draft, I need to go to homegoods.
3.)  This is the Patriots year.  They have too many weapons.
2.)  This shirt gets results.
1.)  Flanagan, did you fart?"
- Taken from www.nomercy.com

DosXX24-7 says "I don't often draft high, but when I do, I prefer running backs whose legs are held together by tissue paper.  I'm looking at you AP!" - Taken from www.demetriuswilliams.com

JayCutler6 says "Excuse me, Mr. Greco?  Ahem...I mean, uh, Lord Greco?  Will you please stop making fun...sniff...of me...sniff...this year?"
- Taken from Jay Cutler's Twitter Handle @IamaSissyGirl

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