I woke up this morning with a depressing revelation. I think I am the Jerry Jones of the HHSFFL. Take a look at these similarities.
- The Cowboys have won exactly one playoff game in the last 17 years. I'm pretty sure that Teen Wolf was the in theaters the last time the Bayside High Tigers made the playoffs.
- Jones still hates Jimmy Johnson so much that he refuses to let him into the Cowboys Ring of Honor. I have written 47 pieces of hate mail to Larry Fitzgerald for his meaningless 70-yard touchdown in the snow back in 2008. And those are just the ones I send this week.
- Jones wants so badly to make headlines through personnel moves that his son literally had to rip the Johnny Manziel Draft Sheet out of his hands last April. I decided to bank my entire season on a pot-smoking car salesman.
- Jerry Jones is a god-awful GM, yet he refuses to blame himself for any of Dallas' shortcomings over the last two decades. I, too, build shitty teams that grossly underperform. Do you think there is any way in hell that Malcom Floyd would have caught a touchdown if he had stayed with the Tigers? I swear playing for Bayside is the fantasy football version of sleeping with Good Luck Chuck.
- And, of course, there's the obvious comparison that both Jones and I have an impeccable fashion sense, a flair for the dramatic, and great teeth.
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