BAYSIDE REJOICES!

After beating the arch rival Forgotten Gods, Bayside High fans are rejoicing like they just won the Superbowl.  It wasn't a convincing win, and both teams when to bed thinking the game had ended in a tie.  However, an official scoring change overnight gave the Bayside Tigers a two-point victory.  Yet, they are dancing on the beaches in Southern California.  I'd say someone should tell them it's only week 5, but does anyone want to Kate Upton to stop dancing?  Let's be honest.

NEW CONCESSIONS AVAILABLE!

The Green Monster franchise has joined a growing trend sweeping through many stadiums around the league by providing more concession options for their fans.  Sure to be a hit with younger fans, below is an image of the new Green Monster Cupcake line that will be available this coming weekend.  

Other stadiums around the league have tried to increase profits by providing a few more upscale options.  For example, the culinary director at Sterling Cooper Stadium, home of the Mad Men, has developed a new chicken wing platter with an exotic twist. 

Cobra Kai Dojo, known for its lack of selection, has recently added some canned goods that fans can buy and cook themselves on hotplates.  Sales are still surprisingly slow at this point, however.

The Bayside High Tigers have recently looked south of the border for a modern twist on an old classic.  Tiger's fan Kate Upton seems to be enjoying it.

...And yes, this whole "food blog" thing was just an excuse to post another animation of Kate Upton.  Any complaints?

A RIVALRLY RENEWED

The Forgotten Gods and the Bayside High Tigers is unquestionably the oldest, and most heated rivalry in the HHSFFL.  It's the game every HHSFFL fan circles on their calendar each and every season as soon the schedule comes out.  Sports bars and pubs schedule extra staff and stock up on wings and cheap beer in anticipation of the record breaking crowds.  Advertising agencies plan their quarterly numbers on this weekends commercials.  And celebrities and politicians come out of nowhere to chime in with their meaningless predictions.

There is no love lost between these two franchises.  The hatred dates all the way back to the Gods' controversial win in the first HHSFFL Superbowl on what has since become known as the Catch Heard Round the World.  Larry Fitzgerald has been forced to travel with added security in the Bayside city limits ever since that day.  Granted, the Gods are two time HHSFFL champions.  Granted, the Tigers have never beaten the Gods.  And granted, "The Panther" is still the coolest nickname in the league.  But this year feels like it could be different. 

The Gods have traditionally been a feared franchise, known for finding big time value in the middle rounds of the draft.  However, after missing the playoffs last year and off to a pedestrian 1-2 start this season, the Gods just seem to lack that championship swagger, especially with team captain Matt Forte unlikely to suit up this weekend.  Meanwhile, the Tigers are quietly on pace to break every scoring record in the HHSFFL.  And that's despite basically playing 8 on 9 each week with QB6 looking more like a pouting seven year old than an NFL quarterback.  So, here it is...

BOLD PREDICTION:  This is the year the Tigers actually turn this into two-sided rivalry...or at least start to.  Just look how excited Kate Upton is about the Tigers this season.  She can...barely...um...contain herself.

KEARNEY-VORES & PRESTIGE WORLD WIDE UNITE

In an effort to expand the teams fan base, the Kearney-Vores have partnered with huge multinational corporation, Prestige Worldwide.  Not all members of the Kearney-Vores are happy about this move.  Kearney-Vores quarterback, Cam Newton, said in his postgame press conference Thursday night that if he were a fan that he would be "hanging his head in shame."  Prestige Worldwide's most notable product is the hit single "Boats & Hos" (Music Video Seen Below) which doesn't necessarily violate the HHSFFL's code of conduct but certainly isn't the image the league wants to set forth either.

As the Catalina Wine mixer approaches this fall, one can't help but wonder if the Kearney-Vore front office is more concerned with winning fantasy games or performing on stage.

SHAKE & BAKE SPLIT LOCKER ROOM?

There appears to a rift developing in the Shake & Bake locker room as some team members don't feel as though all players have approached the season with the proper focus and intensity.  In fact, rookie Alfred Morris seems to be the only player who began the season in playing shape and with the right attitude.  I mean, I had more rushing yards than DeAngelo Williams this week.  Seriously...so did you.  Gronk muffed his usually dependable touchdown spike, which suggests he really did spend too much time partying this summer.  Not that I really blame him.  But it could be a long season for Shake and Bake if Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr. can't right the ship. 

PUBLIC APOLOGY

Well, I tried to be the bigger man and publicly support my players.  But I just can't do it.  I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to the fans of the HHSFFL.  I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my indiscretion.  I got caught up in the moment and said some things I shouldn't have.  You all deserve better from me.  I'm sorry.  I'm officially off the QB6 train.  I was right the first time.  This guy is just downright terrible. 

I'm not sure if the image above is me watching my fantasy team just completely implode or if its QB6 crying about his protection last night.  Honestly, what do you think is going to happen when you hold the ball in the pocket for 48 seconds with Clay Matthews rushing from the outside?  Did you not think he was blitzing?  Did you think that fat excuse for a left tackle was going to block him for a minute straight?  Yell at him some more, that seemed to help.  Didn't look like the Packers' secondary needed much luck covering your binky Brandon Marshall last night either.  The guy was completely taken out of the game to the point where he couldn't even catch a ball when he was open.  Please for the love of God, someone make sure Mike Tice tells his quarterback what color jerseys his receivers are wearing next week.  There seemed to be some confusion about that last night.

QB6 vs. AARON RODGERS

 

 Which guy would you rather have quarterbacking your team tonight?  One guy looks like he probably dated the head cheerleader, while the other looks like he could have been the head cheerleader.  One guy looks like one of those losers who always whine about their best while the other is a winner that goes home and fucks the prom queen.  I'm not saying which is which...but only of these guys is engaged to this girl...

Just sayin...