NEW CONCESSIONS AVAILABLE!

The Green Monster franchise has joined a growing trend sweeping through many stadiums around the league by providing more concession options for their fans.  Sure to be a hit with younger fans, below is an image of the new Green Monster Cupcake line that will be available this coming weekend.  

Other stadiums around the league have tried to increase profits by providing a few more upscale options.  For example, the culinary director at Sterling Cooper Stadium, home of the Mad Men, has developed a new chicken wing platter with an exotic twist. 

Cobra Kai Dojo, known for its lack of selection, has recently added some canned goods that fans can buy and cook themselves on hotplates.  Sales are still surprisingly slow at this point, however.

The Bayside High Tigers have recently looked south of the border for a modern twist on an old classic.  Tiger's fan Kate Upton seems to be enjoying it.

...And yes, this whole "food blog" thing was just an excuse to post another animation of Kate Upton.  Any complaints?

A RIVALRLY RENEWED

The Forgotten Gods and the Bayside High Tigers is unquestionably the oldest, and most heated rivalry in the HHSFFL.  It's the game every HHSFFL fan circles on their calendar each and every season as soon the schedule comes out.  Sports bars and pubs schedule extra staff and stock up on wings and cheap beer in anticipation of the record breaking crowds.  Advertising agencies plan their quarterly numbers on this weekends commercials.  And celebrities and politicians come out of nowhere to chime in with their meaningless predictions.

There is no love lost between these two franchises.  The hatred dates all the way back to the Gods' controversial win in the first HHSFFL Superbowl on what has since become known as the Catch Heard Round the World.  Larry Fitzgerald has been forced to travel with added security in the Bayside city limits ever since that day.  Granted, the Gods are two time HHSFFL champions.  Granted, the Tigers have never beaten the Gods.  And granted, "The Panther" is still the coolest nickname in the league.  But this year feels like it could be different. 

The Gods have traditionally been a feared franchise, known for finding big time value in the middle rounds of the draft.  However, after missing the playoffs last year and off to a pedestrian 1-2 start this season, the Gods just seem to lack that championship swagger, especially with team captain Matt Forte unlikely to suit up this weekend.  Meanwhile, the Tigers are quietly on pace to break every scoring record in the HHSFFL.  And that's despite basically playing 8 on 9 each week with QB6 looking more like a pouting seven year old than an NFL quarterback.  So, here it is...

BOLD PREDICTION:  This is the year the Tigers actually turn this into two-sided rivalry...or at least start to.  Just look how excited Kate Upton is about the Tigers this season.  She can...barely...um...contain herself.

KEARNEY-VORES & PRESTIGE WORLD WIDE UNITE

In an effort to expand the teams fan base, the Kearney-Vores have partnered with huge multinational corporation, Prestige Worldwide.  Not all members of the Kearney-Vores are happy about this move.  Kearney-Vores quarterback, Cam Newton, said in his postgame press conference Thursday night that if he were a fan that he would be "hanging his head in shame."  Prestige Worldwide's most notable product is the hit single "Boats & Hos" (Music Video Seen Below) which doesn't necessarily violate the HHSFFL's code of conduct but certainly isn't the image the league wants to set forth either.

As the Catalina Wine mixer approaches this fall, one can't help but wonder if the Kearney-Vore front office is more concerned with winning fantasy games or performing on stage.

SHAKE & BAKE SPLIT LOCKER ROOM?

There appears to a rift developing in the Shake & Bake locker room as some team members don't feel as though all players have approached the season with the proper focus and intensity.  In fact, rookie Alfred Morris seems to be the only player who began the season in playing shape and with the right attitude.  I mean, I had more rushing yards than DeAngelo Williams this week.  Seriously...so did you.  Gronk muffed his usually dependable touchdown spike, which suggests he really did spend too much time partying this summer.  Not that I really blame him.  But it could be a long season for Shake and Bake if Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton Jr. can't right the ship. 

PUBLIC APOLOGY

Well, I tried to be the bigger man and publicly support my players.  But I just can't do it.  I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to the fans of the HHSFFL.  I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my indiscretion.  I got caught up in the moment and said some things I shouldn't have.  You all deserve better from me.  I'm sorry.  I'm officially off the QB6 train.  I was right the first time.  This guy is just downright terrible. 

I'm not sure if the image above is me watching my fantasy team just completely implode or if its QB6 crying about his protection last night.  Honestly, what do you think is going to happen when you hold the ball in the pocket for 48 seconds with Clay Matthews rushing from the outside?  Did you not think he was blitzing?  Did you think that fat excuse for a left tackle was going to block him for a minute straight?  Yell at him some more, that seemed to help.  Didn't look like the Packers' secondary needed much luck covering your binky Brandon Marshall last night either.  The guy was completely taken out of the game to the point where he couldn't even catch a ball when he was open.  Please for the love of God, someone make sure Mike Tice tells his quarterback what color jerseys his receivers are wearing next week.  There seemed to be some confusion about that last night.

QB6 vs. AARON RODGERS

 

 Which guy would you rather have quarterbacking your team tonight?  One guy looks like he probably dated the head cheerleader, while the other looks like he could have been the head cheerleader.  One guy looks like one of those losers who always whine about their best while the other is a winner that goes home and fucks the prom queen.  I'm not saying which is which...but only of these guys is engaged to this girl...

Just sayin...

MORLOCK NATION DOMINANT

So is Morlock Nation just the beginning of a fantasy football dynasty or is Frey force feeding his players performance enhancing drugs?  I mean, they dominate the entire league last year ripping off a record 11-2 regular season en route to winning the C-Cup.  Then they start off this season by going out and winning high week.  After a deep post-season run and a late draft position, most teams would still be trying to get over their championship hangover.  Not Morlock Nation.  They go out and put up 112 points to reassert their dominance and put the rest of the league on notice.  Enjoy playing for second place everybody.  The rest of the season may just be a formality. 

NO MERCY!

News out of the Cobra Kai camp this week is that team owner Jay Golden is not pleased with his teams performance despite a 99-95 win.  Golden reportedly ripped team president, Terry Silva, and his head coach, Sensei Kreese in a closed doors meeting earlier this week calling them quote "a jabroni" and "a turkey".  Silva had been quite vocal on Twitter throughout the pre-season with a lot of trash talking about his team's chances this season.  While four points is enough of a margin to give the Cobra Kai a 1-0 record, it was apparently too close for comfort.  Known for running a tightly regimented organization, Golden put everyone on notice this week that their jobs were in danger if they allow Vandalay Industries to keep the game close.  Silva and Kreese will likely be looking to sweep the leg early and often to test these replacement officials. 

HAPPY FOOTBALL SEASON EVERYONE!

It's finally here!  The first of 20 consecutive football Sundays!  I'm excited, the fans are excited, and two players in Pittsburgh are very, very, excited. 

THE TALENTED MRS. ROMO

Candice Crawford, the 2008 Miss Missouri winner and current Mrs. Romo, is doing her part to garner team support for the Delta House this season.  Despite a disappointing draft position, the members of Delta Tau Chi are standing behind the team's biggest supporter.  I would have to imagine they are enjoying the view.

BLOCKBUSTER TRADE

 

In the first big move of the season, the Sport of Kings have traded wide receiver Antonio Brown to the Morlock Nation for Reggie Bush.  I'd love to sit here and say that I think one team got the better deal in the trade, but I'm not sure I can.  I don't see Reggie Bush putting up the same numbers as last year, and I think Antonio Brown will end up being Pittsburgh's best receiver.  However, I still don't think Brown outscores Bush this season.  That being said, Morlock Nation was RB heavy so this move actually made sense for both clubs.  Honestly, I don't even have anything funny to say about this at all.  So...yeah. 

1 - on - 1 WITH MJD

Big news in the HHSFFL this week.  Only days after being drafted by the Tigers, Maurice Jones-Drew ended his hold out and reported to training camp.  Last year's rushing champ sat down with us to discuss the events that led to the end of his hold out.

Q:  Thanks for taking time for us, Maurice.  How does it feel to be back?
A:  Thanks for having me.  It's great to be here.  I'm happy to be back at camp as a member of the Bayside High Tigers.  This is a top class organization with an extremely intelligent and knowledgeable owner.  I couldn't be happier about where I ended up. 

Q:  Speaking of the draft, how did you feel about dropping into the third round (pick 36 overall?
A:  Motivated.  I understand why some teams passed on me.  But they are soon going to understand that it was a mistake.  That being said, I'm thrilled with the way it played out and I'm looking forward to getting on the field and showing all those Tigers fans that I'm here to help bring the C-Cup to Bayside. 

Q:  This is your second run with Bayside.  In 2008, you were drafted third overall by the Tigers.  How does that experience compare with this one so far?
A:  We came within one fluke play of winning a championship that season.  I see a lot of the same level of talent on this team and I think we can make another run.  

Q:  You said that being drafted by the Tigers contributed to your decision to end your hold out.  Are there any teams that, had they drafted you, would not have prompted you to come back?
A:  Yes.  The Cobra Kai Dojo.  That's a Micky Mouse organization with a Minnie Mouse owner.  He's the Rex Ryan of the HHSFFL. 

Q:  Have you met Kelly Kapowski yet?  What is she like?
A:  Kelly is great.  Just a complete and total smoke show.  But honestly, have you seen the girls playing beach volleyball?  They break out into these spontaneous, slow-motion dance routines.  It's awesome. 

Q:  Maurice, thanks again for taking the time to speak with us.  Best of luck this season in Bayside.
A:  Thanks again for having me.  Go Tigers!

DRAFT RECAP & ANALYSIS

The preseason is coming to a close and players are arriving at their respective teams' practice facilities to prepare for the season openers that are just about a week away.  After the flurry of activity on Thursday night the results of the 2012 HHSFFL Draft have been made public to fans for the first time.  Some teams found themselves in familiar territory while some headed into the draft with vastly different approaches than in previous years.

Mean Machine owner was all smiles, securing the first pick in the draft for the second straight year.  (I'm sure you won't hear me talk about that all year.)  The Washington Sentinels completely overhauled their roster focusing on youth, and refused to draft anyone old enough to drink.  As always, there were a few surprise moves.  Cobra Kai completely neglected any need for roster flexibility by drafting two quarterbacks, three - yes, you read that correctly, THREE - tight ends, and and an equipment manager.  (I know I've used that joke already, but it's because Golden gets flustered when you use his own techniques against him.)  However, the most shocking move of the night, belonged to the Bayside High Tigers when they drafted this guy...

I mean seriously...look at him.  But I'm not going to bash him this year.  He's no longer under control of the evil Mike Martz, he's been reunited with Brandon Marshall, and Forte is capable of taking the 3 yard screen pass to the house on any given play.  I'm officially on the #6 bandwagon this year.  In fact...

FIRST BOLD PREDICTION OF THE YEAR:  He who shall not be named (you'd better pay up Golden) will be a top 10 fantasy quarterback this year.

SECOND BOLD PREDICTION OF THE YEAR:  Golden doesn't own up to his $100 bet.

A few other notes from the draft...

• Forgotten Gods, as always were pleased with their draft, although that could change when everyone realizes that Philip Rivers sucks without Vincent Jackson. 
• The Bayside High Tigers picked guys that were already injured this year and secured the most valuable handcuff RB in football, so you won't have to listen to any complaints about bad luck and injuries.  However, if teams routinely have high weeks against the Tigers all bets are off.
• TMIFFTITW was able to grab, in my opinion, the best receiving tandem in the HHSFFL with Jennings and Harvin.  Oh, and this is after grabbing Ray Rice in the first round.  Nice job.
• Morlock Nation could find themselves falling on hard times in a few weeks with three injury prone running backs in the first four picks.  Although, if they all stay healthy, we could be talking repeat champions and owner of the C-Cup.  

A few other bold predictions for the season...

• Aaron Hernandez outscores Gronk this year.  Although none of the top three tight ends puts up the kind of numbers that Gronk and Graham did last year.
• Dez Bryant gets arrested.  Ok, that's not really bold.  But still.
• The Redskins, forced either by injury or production, end up starting the same running back for more than 3 straight weeks.
• Shake & Bake develops an unbridled hatred for Ron Rivera when he gives all the goal line work to everyone but DeAngelo Williams.
• Ronnie Brown becomes fantasy relevant again.  Mostly because Philip Rivers sucks and they are forced to lean on him.  Do I smell the wildcat in San Diego.
• Matt Ryan finishes as the number six QB in fantasy football behind Brady, Rogers, Brees, Stafford, and Newton....in that order.

 Most, if not all of these predictions will be wrong.  But I'll hit on one or two of them.  Lastly...

HHSFFL SUPERBOWL PREDICTION:  Mean Machine over TMIFFTIT(F)W