HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

We here at the HHSFFL would like to wish all you and all of your families a very Happy Thanksgiving today.  In the spirit of the day, here are some things that I'm thankful for...

MICHELLE BEISNER

SHAKE & BAKE
At 7-4, it will be tough for Shake & Bake to miss the playoffs.  But mismanagement and injuries have allowed a lot of room for doubt about this franchise's chances of success in the post season.  Last weekend was a devastating one.  Not only did Shake & Bake head coach, Cal Naughton Jr. leave Matt Schaub and his 42 points on the bench, they also lost first round draft choice Rob Gronkowski to injury.

KANE IS ABLE
Doug Martin and Calvin Johnson have emerged in the second half of the season to give Kane is Able a legitimate shot at the C-Cup.  This makes Jenn Sterger happy.  See?

FORGOTTEN GODS
Could the Gods miss the playoffs for the second straight year?  It's entirely possible as they'll likely have to win their remaining two games to make it in.  Can you spell N-I-T?

MEAN MACHINE GRAEBER
This team needs to fire it's GM immediately.  A solid draft night and the first pick in the draft were wasted by bad trades.  Remember when they had Aaron Rodgers and Julio Jones?  Ahh, those were the days.  

LINDSAY SOTO

MAD MEN
Heeee's baaaack!  Aaron Hernandez returns to action tonight and returns to the Mad Men who, at 8-3, have already locked up their division and a trip to the post-season.   They may have been the beneficiaries of some poor performances by opponents, but a win is a win.  It's tough to point to any one player or statistic, but this team just seems to have "it".  A final four team with the potential to win it all.

SPORT OF KINGS
The trade guru of the HHSFFL, Flanagan has looked at more deals than a pit boss in Vegas.  Despite stealing Julio Jones as well as Graeber's wallet from the Mean Machine, the Sport of Kings still need things to break their way in order to make the playoffs.

DELTA HOUSE
Scored just 39 points last week, the 5th lowest total ever by a team in HHSFFL history.  The Mad Men didn't complain.  Still, I have to admit, they look good on paper.  Does that count for anything?

TMIFFTITW
Bitten hard by the injury bug, this has been a tough season for TMIFFTITW.  If some guy get healthy, don't count them out of the NIT.  Where is Demetrius Williams when you need him? 

ALEX FLANAGAN

VANDELAY INDUSTRIES
Tom Brady, AJ Green, Demaryius Thomas, and CJ Spiller.  All are top 7 at their respective positions and all will be playing for the C-Cup in five weeks.  This was my pre-season pick to win it all and I'm sticking by it.  Next year I'm drafting from a remote location too.

GREEN MONSTER
The injury to QB#6 might have been the worst thing in the world for the Green Monster.  QB#6 treated Brandon Marshall like his binky and threw him the ball 2983798 times a game.  But if he can't go, and with Jason Campbell injured, the Bears would be reliant on Josh McCown.  Bahahahahahahaha!

COBRA KAI DOJO
Just 1-4 since bringing in QB#6.  The guy is just a cancer in any locker room.

WASHINGTON SENTINELS
NIT!  NIT!  NIT!  These guys just can't get it right.  After a promising draft night, the Sentinels faced bouts with injuries and poor performances.  But the real kicker is that the Sentinels seem to keep facing opponents on their best weeks.  The Sentinels have had more points scored against them than any other team in the league.  I don't know why, but someone upstairs seems to really dislike this group. 

JENN BROWN

 

 What do these three players all have in common?  They are top five talents at their respective positions and they were all traded into the Jenn Brown Division.  

KEARNEY-VORES

After trading for Aaron Rodgers, the Vores went on a seven week winning streak to take over first place in the division.  The only problem is that this record is all smoke and mirrors.   They are 7-0 against  teams outside their division, but 0-4 within the division.  They'll make the playoffs, and probably win a game or two.  But I don't have them marked as real contenders.

MORLOCK NATION

This season has been a war of attrition for the defending champs.  Looking at this team on paper doesn't exactly strike fear into anyone.  But for some reason they just keep winning.  Call it luck, call it talent, call it the "it" factor, but this team just knows how to win.  I don't think they are the favorites, but certainly a dark horse to repeat as champs.

BAYSIDE HIGH TIGERS

Quarterback play has been a glaring weakness for this squad.  But they also have the unfortunate tendency to put out some of their worst games in some of their biggest weeks.  In last weekend's divisional match up, the Tigers had four players score five points or less.  This is not championship caliber football.

HAWKEYE NATION

The Nation has two tough match ups to finish the season and needs to at least split to have a chance at the playoffs.  Adrian Peterson might have been a steal on draft day, but Matthew Stafford and Mike Wallace haven't lived up to expectations and Antonio Gates and Pierre Garcon have been flat out busts.  

POTENTIAL PLAYOFF SCENARIOS

Has an entire division, in any sport, ever all made the playoffs in the same year?  Because that's exactly what's likely to happen in the HHSFFL this year.  The Jenn Brown Division currently boasts four teams with winning records.  It's basically the fantasy version of SEC Football.  The 13 week fantasy season is long and grueling.  For some, the tougher schedule helps build chemistry and prepare for post season play.  For others, it's simply about survival and hoping injuries and attrition don't end your fun prematurely.  Several owners know this feeling all to well. 

HERE'S WHAT MY TEAM DID THIS WEEKEND...

How'd you guys do?  Anyone else have their team shit the bed this weekend?

BAYSIDE HIGH WELCOMES A NEW ADDITION

In a last-minute trade pulled off between the Cobra Kai Dojo and the Bayside High Tigers, Vernon Davis was dealt to the Tigers in exchange for Denario Alexander and Martellus Bennett.  Sensei Kreese and Mr. Belding had been working the phones all night to get this deal done before game time today.  The Tigers nearly had to face division rival Morlock Nation with only seven active players.  Thus, while Davis has had a disappointing stretch over the last few weeks, any contribution he can muster this week will be an added bonus.

While the Cobra Kai owner could not be reached for comment due to some legal matters (read post below) he did release the following tweet, "I can't believe Greco offered me something for this guy.  He know Colin Kaepernick is playing QB, right?"  When asked what they saw in Davis, the Bayside High owner referred to Davis' athleticism.  "Vernon keeps himself in peak physical shape.  He and I  worked together in the off season and we have similar physiques.  So I know the kinds of things he is capable of.  At Bayside, Vernon will have every opportunity to showcase his skills and reach his potential.  Hopefully, he'll help bring home a couple of C-Cups as well."

COBRA KAI BAD BOY ARRESTED

The owner of the Cobra Kai Dojo has been arrested on charges of pick-pocketing and stealing an old woman's purse.  This is just one more event in a long string of arrests, tarnished reputations, and suspected cheating and foul play.  Known as the self-proclaimed Bad Boys of the HHSFFL, Cobra Kai has worked hard to live up to that reputation.  They've even gone out of their way to claim troubled players such as this guy...

...who came under fire earlier this year for bumping into and screaming at one of his offensive linemen.  Just look at that picture...how scared does that cat look?

UPDATED STORY:  The Cobra Kai front office has released a statement claiming that all charges against their owner are bogus.  He was not arrested.  That was simply a story spread by a fake tabloid website looking to generate traffic.  The purse, in actuality, belonged to Mr. Golden.  Honestly, after taking a closer look at that shirt, I'm not surprised.

NICKY WHELAN IS SAD ABOUT THE TIGERS INJURIES

Bayside High fan Nicky Whelan is feeling a bit down about her beloved Tigers recently.  Ever since the Jones-Drew injury she's just been moping around the SoCal beaches hoping that Daryl Richardson can sneak in a few miracle plays.  I think I should go console her...

JOB POST

POSITION:  Long Term Sub for HHSFFL Commissioner & Blogger

DESCRIPTION OF DUTIES 

• Keep your team around .500.  This way its good enough that people don't make fun of you too much but it's low enough that no one accuses you of tampering.
• Write ridiculous blog posts that only a few people understand the humor in and anyone outside the HHSFFL would think are worthy of a psychiatric evaluation.
• Host Draft Night (Must be Technologically Literate)
• Change your team name every year like it's going to bring you better luck.
• Make sure one of your top draft picks either massively under-performs or gets injured. 

BASE SALARY:  - $100 (Who are we kidding, you're not getting it back) But achievement bonuses are available.

RECORD BREAKING PERFORMANCE

Well it must really suck to root for the Sentinels.  You finally think your team is going to compete this year.  Draft night was like election night...filled with promise and hope of a successful season.  HHSFFL analysts had given the Sentinels strong draft grades across the board and predicted a playoff run....

...And then this shit happens.  Doug Martin just goes out and rushes for 251 yards and 4 touchdowns, scoring an HHSFFL record 56 points.  Martin almost beat the Sentinels by himself.  I don't know whether to laugh or send FEMA over to the Sentinels facility. 

KEARNEY...SO HOT RIGHT NOW!

After losing the first three games of the season, the KearneyVores have managed to turn things around.  Winners of six straight, they currently find themselves sitting in first place and earning the approval of fashion mogul, Mugatu.  As the newest KearneyVore season ticket holder, Mugatu has thrown his full support behind the team and has even accepted a consulting position within the teams' public relations office.  A recent tweet KearneyVores owner announced Mugatu's hiring and alluded to new uniforms for his team this weekend.  A source deep inside the organization was able to smuggle out these drafts of potential game-day jerseys.

Of course...the Steelers already used uniforms from Mugatu's line last weekend...